Daddyology

Daddyology

There is a distinct difference to timbre and prose in my speech patterns when I speak with my 6 year old daughter regardless of the subject matter. It seems, after to listening to myself over a period of time, that I make a definite distinction in rhetoric and present the material as “Daddy” or that other guy, “Father”.  I doesn’t seem to matter whether the moment is serious or not, just how I want the point to get across. The “Father” part of me wants to be less attached to the emotion of the scene and stringently adhere to the subject matter. I suppose it is the “teacher” in us that wants to provide fact and reason to a little person who is awaiting input, but only on his or her terms. If a conversation has to do with feelings, my “Daddy” persona will always have a better time of it as far as achieving any type of closure on the moment because there is a sense of an “open-armed” expression with which my little girl can snuggle into. This person is the “listener” rather than the problem solver. Just shutting up on giving advice at the onset of the episode allows her to come up with her own emotional solutions and at a much quicker pace. The fatherly side of me desperately wants to give her advice, point her in a direction, get her to come to conclusions that “I” choose. I think that it amputates her ability at that very moment to come to a point of dealing with that emotion on her own, takes away from her independent reasoning. The “Daddy” in me comforts her or confirms her statements which shows, without deception, that she is in no danger of making a mistake, just living a new experience. The inquisitive child is ready for input from the “Father” because she has asked for it. If I have an answer by fact or by experience, I’ll talk to her about it almost as if she was an adult. The trick is not tone nor form, but eye contact and through that, a gentle coercion. I would hope that this would make her hungry to learn. It makes no sense to make something up and give her false info because I can’t deal with explaining something that I am not sure about. How tricky can the inquiries of a 6 year old be? If you listen, they are very often very diverse and complicated questions. Find the answer and don’t be afraid to say, “wow, I don’t know…let’s find out together. (The first lessons in Googling! If you have time, go with her to the library first and look at books!!!) Maybe she really doesn’t want an answer, just an acknowledgement from you that you are listening to her important questions, especially if followed with a deluge of “why” retorts. The body language and facial features will generally tell you what is on her mind, whether it is something she is afraid to come out and talk about, joyful excitement or simply a matter of interest. Most parents, I suspect, have an instinctive overview of their child’s emotional clock and can take the necessary steps in dealing with the situation, unless they simply do not want to deal with it. These are the parents who have long ago shut down their “patience” monitors and somewhere along the way stopped listening, stopped being the “Daddy” or “Mommy”. Listening means, stopping in your tracks and taking the time, not continuing on with a project that belongs to only you, and definitely providing that child the respect of eye contact and attention. It does not take more time to listen, because therein you help that child become self-aware, confident and respectful to your time frame as well. These development years, where a child is dependent on you for reading, for explaining, for educating, for encouraging are GREAT years. They are the years where you are proud to be a Father and ecstatic to be remembered as a Daddy.

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